Sunday, July 02, 2006

We have energy bloks!

Technically they are Shot Bloks energy chews, but whatever. In trying to find some sort of electrolyte replacement strategy, should Patrick and I be stuck somewhere in the desert sweating out the ones we have, I've become overwhelmed by the extremely wide technological variety now available. Every form of chemical action has now been channeled into a quick replacement product providing 4-8% of one's RDA sodium, 1-3% potassium, and 6-8% carbs, no fats. One can choose between colloidal amalgam, gelatinous hydro-stabilized solid, buffered powder solution, non-reactive propellant-fueled inhalation, or accelerated-sublimation interstitial crystal-lattice energy boost. It's really quite extraordinary and I can't say no to any of them.

The related note to this story, is that I just yupped out at REI in order to pick up additional supplies for the journey. I grabbed two Cultural Protection Barriers (each alarmingly holds two people), self-sterilizing tritium-fueled camping spoons, and the Hugo Boss signature model Lincoln Navigator, complete with mosquito-vaporizing, electrostatic generators; free-flow exhaust; 16 unit capacity bike rack; and integral Bribe-a-pult, capable of launching up to 5000$ in cash through the side of an armored-personnel carrier. Every time you hit the horn, it plays the Star-Spangled Banner (a Herb Alpert version, rather than the genre-defining Jimi version) and it has a button which launches 12 GI Joe action figures 200 feet in the air before they float down on American flag parachutes. In a nod to our Muslim destination countries, I did spring for the optional Gulf-Bling package, which includes Red Crescent spinner wheels and a Yasser Arafat bust for the hood ornament. This visit was expensive.



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